I remember as I kid I always used to sign my named with a little addendum at the end “Future President of the United States.” As a small girl of eleven, I seriously thought that one day, I would be sitting up in the White House with my feet up on the Oval Office desk, munching on Gushers and brownies and able to do whatever the heck I wanted.
I don’t sign my name like that anymore; as I got older, my priorities naturally changed. But I often wonder: what happened to that little girl who thought she could change the world? Why is it that as adults, we oftentimes throw in the towel before the race even starts. What happened to our dreams?
“When will life start?”
A year ago, I asked myself this question in my journal.
I think I was relying on some cosmic hand to fall out of the sky, wipe away all my storm clouds, and magically cause book publisher after book publisher to start knocking down my door asking me to write for them. I asked myself what would make me the most money using my skill sets, and I went to school to try to make a career for myself. I ended up leaving after a semester, the thought of going to school more appealing to me than the actual potential job.
It wasn’t until about eight months ago when Seth and I started seriously considering traveling as a lifestyle. I struggle with crippling anxiety, and up until that point, I had always considered myself a horrible traveler.
But I found I had to make a choice.
I could sit at home, surrounded by all my familiar things and drink tea every night and never conquer my fears or I could put one foot in front of the other and just run at the fear. I will never regret the decision I made.
Armed with Xanax and my childhood blanket (yep, I’ll say it), Seth and I embarked on a journey that would change our lives. Every day, I challenged myself to combat the thoughts of insecurity that tried to tell me things like:
- You can travel. You’ll go crazy.
- You’re a complete failure.
- You a horrid writer, and that’s all you’ll ever be.
- You’ll always be poor, and you’ll always live month-to-month.
It was all I could do, in those moments when I felt anything but brave, to just stand.
But I chose to, and it’s made all the difference.
I have dreams.
My life is bursting at the seams with life and opportunity. It’s up to me to get out of my own way–to choose to make my dreams become reality. I think we get overwhelmed by all the steps up to our dream that we don’t even try climbing. Dreams are attained one. step. at a time. And sometimes it isn’t easy. And the voices are screaming at you to just sit down and admit defeat.
Put Your Head down and Run
Don’t you dare do it, dear Reader. You make life start for you. Get out of your way, put one foot in front of the other, put your head down, and run at the fear full force. I promise you that when you look back, you’ll see that you’ve climbed your mountain, whatever it may be.